BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

As a mother of multiples, you are going be the recipient of LOADS of advice. Everyone will have something to say (even me) about what you should or shouldn’t do.

But lean in close. Here is my BEST. ADVICE. EVER.  In some ways this is the only piece of advice you’ll ever need because no one can counter it or say the opposite worked better for them.

Find other mothers of multiples. Better yet, find a mothers of multiples group. Join it. PARTICIPATE IN IT. Be an active member.

SONY DSCMore than anything, you need a community of women who are in a similar situation. No one is truly going to understand what you are going through except another mother of multiples. No mother of multiples is going TO BLINK AN EYELASH when you say, during an outing with your two year olds, “I have to pee. Can you keep an eye on my kiddos?”  Nope, another mother of multiples will just keep wiping the dripping snot off one of her kids while answering, “Go ahead! They’re fine.”

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Find some women with children your children’s age. You’ll need these people to go places with and to commiserate with. These are the women that you meet in order to fill in the LONG periods of time until afternoon nap. Believe me, one day you’ll walk into a Chick-fil-A and be overcome by such nostalgia because you and your multiple mommy friends spent many a rainy day here and you’ll just have to text them right after you order that chicken sandwich to say that you are crying because you NEVER thought you’d miss those days at Chick-fil-A. Yeah, one will text back, I remember those days, too.SONY DSCBut, even more importantly, make friends with women who you just love being around no matter what their children’s ages. These women you’ll need to feed your often weary soul. They will listen to you cry. . .not be afraid to ask you to join Weight Watchers with them. . .talk about the best sex ever. . .listen to you as you talk about the raw grief in losing a loved one.I had lunch with two of these women yesterday. Our children are different ages. Over $1.50 Costco hotdogs we talked and laughed and talked and laughed. These are the women who will remind you of who you were before you had children. You will walk away saying as a thankful prayer, “God, I love these women!”

SONY DSCJoin a group. If it is like the San Antonio Mothers of Multiples, you will CONSTANTLY be running into these women at the library, grocery store, Costco or the mall.  And, if your two year olds’ snack cups are out of cheerios and you still have three more things to get at Costco THESE women will give you some of their cheerios and a couple fruit snacks because they always carry extras–and they understand, its not a problem.

Here’s the deal. Having multiples is hard. There is so much joy, but honestly, it is a lot of work. People will say, “I don’t know how you do it. . .” and you’ll smile and shrug or say something like, “You just do it.” But, a mother of multiples will be doing it right next to you and  rather than saying  anything, will hand you that diaper, buy you that drink, watch your kids in addition to her own so that you can pack for the family vacation. She’ll know exactly what it is like and that knowing is exactly what you are going to need to get through.

You see, any advice you get will have people saying opposite things–it is really hard when you are in the thick of it to figure out which advice is the best for you and your family. But, mark my words, no one will ever say that you don’t need a friend in your same situation to share this amazing journey with.

 

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I am a mother of two sets of twins and a singleton. I explore the wild world of multiples and provide resources for other parents of multiples.
4 comments
  1. Every word is true! I was reluctant to join our group … until I met you Michelle, and Heather, and Kim, and Sharon, and saw firsthand how many women were going through the exact same thing. We didn’t even have to say anything, just peering at each other over our swollen busts and massive bellies, we all had the same fears and confusion.

    The first meeting I went to after our kids were born was like an unburdening. Finally I was among women who _understood_, rather than merely sympathizing. I wasn’t freakish in my lack of enthusiasm and total unpreparedness for that (DOUBLE)newborn stage. Thanks for writing this!

    1. Meredith,

      I swear it was just yesterday that I met you in Sprout’s with your sweet little birds–and it was TWO YEARS AGO! Man, even the third time around I struggled with that newborn stage. I don’t think many women admit that. I love your phrase, “lack of enthusiasm.” But, it does get better–especially when you find people (even if it is just one other person) who totally relates to your situation.

  2. Often it isn’t what another MOM will say, but the knowing look she gives you. No words can express the depth of her understanding of you. That is our bond.

  3. I couldn’t agree more! The MoMs have been an absolute miracle for me! From the midnight faceboook pleas for help, to the open arm welcome at meetings and the insistence that I get my butt out of the house and talk to other human beings instead of staying cooped up with screaming newborns. A friend just told me she was expecting twins and my first piece of advice to her – find your local MoMs!!!

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